A Wean-Wean Situation
As my daughter's 2-year mark creep closer, it was high time that I took this weaning business seriously. I have been stalling, for months. Thinking I would take the #weaningwithlove method and gradually stop breastfeeding her. But at the time, I think she was about 21 months, she was still teething (her molars were coming out) and "pek" was the only thing that could comfort her teething woes, so it became a no-go.
So we continued to bf but she became quite obsessed with it, like demanding it ALL the time. I would just be sitting down having breakfast or taking a rest on the couch and she would come along and help herself to what she thinks is a 24-hour all-you-can-drink-milk-bar. I'd always try to offer her drinks like water/fresh milk/milo (diluted with lots of milk) but she'd just want it for comfort. I realise that my supply was running low as she'd latch on for so long and then ask for susu/air. Anyway, I was getting very rimas and really over it cos I just felt like I couldn't have a proper rest without her latching on to me. It was getting ridiculous. It wasn't like back when she was a baby when she would drink enough until she was full and unlatch. This was a 9kg pre-toddler latching on for fun cos it's nice.
By the way, Khadeejah is a fully breastfed child since birth, direct latch on demand, no bottles and no pumping (I tried it once but didn't see a reason to do it as I wasn't going back to work outside). So pek was all she knew and loved. Alhamdulillah when I started to give her fresh milk before bed she didn't mind the bottle and was quite comfortable with it but at the same time she still needed pek to go to sleep. So we went with that for a few months and it became a comfortable routine. It was convenient for me too to just bf her to sleep, and when she wakes up in the middle of the night for her night feeds, it was easy to just 'dream feed' and go back to sleep.
So here we are, the week before her 2nd birthday and my husband and I told ourselves it has to be now or never. Well, not really never. But you know, we just didn't want to stall it any longer, else her addiction to it may get worse. More importantly, this is what was prescribed in Islam.
“The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling”
[al-Baqarah 2:233]
Weaning night #1 - "No more pek"
We started on Monday night and we went about our usual routine before bedtime: dinner, bath and in bed by 8.30/9. I read lots of storybooks til my mouth was dry. Then dodoi'd her but she wanted to lie down cos she's not used to sleeping sambil dokong. Then she tried to pull up my t-shirt but I just kept repeating "no more pek...pek dah habis sayang... khadeejah's a big girl now... so no more pek." Then she asked for susu and drank sampai habis. Then she kept trying and whining about it but she was getting really sleepy. I tried to comfort her by cuddling her but she didn't want me to touch her or tepuk2. I guess that was her way of saying if she can't have it, she won't have me at all! She tossed and turned for a few minutes while whining but eventually she flopped her head onto my chest and fell asleep.She woke up a few times in the middle of the night, crying for pek but I just cuddled her or dokong her back to sleep. It takes about a 10-15 minutes each time for her to calm down and fall back to sleep on her own. The one time she woke she reached for the milk bottle herself (which I leave on the bedside table), drinks it and went back to sleep.
Weaning day #1 - The Nap Time Challenge
The next morning, she woke up looking for pek too but I pulled my tshirt down and repeated the mantra "no more pek sayang...khadeejah is a big girl now, and big girls don't pek." She understood it and proceed to ask for breakfast instead. I gladly got up to prepare her some. There were many moments when she would try to help herself but I was firm with my mantra and she always got the message. Then it was time for nap. I was worried if she'd be able to sleep during the day without it but I wanted to give it a try. If it had worked the night before, why wouldn't it for naptime? It worked all right, but it took 2 hours to convince her to take a nap. 1. because she didn't get pek so she didn't get the memo and 2. I think she wasn't tired enough (we hadn't gone out in the morning or anything so she had a lot of energy still. So she had a late nap and woke up later in the evening which meant that it was gonna be a late night too.
 |
| Nap time with Kuntum (bunny) and Bear. |
Weaning night #2 - Rough Night
I was already exhausted but we did the same routine as the night before but gosh it takes so long for her to go down without the pek! Sometimes I felt like giving in but I didn't. By now she understood that this is the new way of going to bed but it doesn't mean she wouldn't try. Again I repeated the words and she stopped trying. I lulled her to sleep and she was more comfortable putting her head on my chest and falling asleep that way.
Just as I thought things are gonna get easier, she wakes up screaming and crying in the middle of the night, kicking and protesting. I tried giving her the bottle she wouldn't have it and this went on for about 20 minutes. Then I held her up to dokong her back to sleep and she gave in. We laid back down and she curled up to me as if she was feeding. She wanted that comfort so badly and at that moment I felt so sad. Sad that I couldn't offer that comfort even though I wouldn't mind it but I didn't want to break this streak.
Weaning day #2 - Bittersweet
The next morning, I woke up feeling a bit emotional, bittersweet almost. Since we had a rough night, she slept in a little bit so I woke up, made some tea to catch a bit of 'me' time. I realised that this was it... the words "Khadeejah's a big girl now" echoing in my head and resonating with me. She was no longer a baby. I looked at her old photos of when she was a baby and teared up. My sweet, sweet baby has grown.
Learning from yesterday's nap time challenge, I started the morning with a homeschool activity then we went down to the playground and to the shops. We were out for a good half an hour to forty minutes and she walked by herself for the most part. By the time we got home for lunch, she was already feeling tired and didn't take too long for her to go down for a nap. Yay! Sometimes you just gotta take them around the block to diffuse all that energy.
Weaning night #3 - No Fuss
Bed time was getting easier in terms of she didn't try or look for pek anymore but it still takes half an hour for her to settle down in bed. I also learnt that she would ask for nonsensical things as she gets sleepy but eventually she would again, flop her head onto my chest and fall asleep. She also only woke up once but almost immediately fell back asleep after some comforting.
Weaning day #3 - Mummy's withdrawal symptoms
The last few days has really taken a toll on me, physically and emotionally. Not getting enough rest but also I was having the weaning blues. Not only that, I haven't been able to catch up on some pending work. I'm still adjusting to this new routine and I also know that my body is also adjusting to this new non bf-ing phase. This article explains it. I was going through major withdrawal symptoms and I warned my hubby of possible mood swings and irritability.
"It’s thought these mood changes may be brought about by hormonal changes (i.e. drop in prolactin and oxytocin levels) that occur when stopping breastfeeding. This is not surprising since prolactin assists with feeling calm and relaxed and oxytocin is commonly known as the ‘feel-good’ or ‘love’ hormone."
I miss it so dearly now. The relaxed/happy feeling when she is suckling to sleep. Or those special bonding moments that only she and I have. When we would look at each other and pull silly faces while bf-ing. When I made her laugh while she was still suckling. Smelling her sweet milky breath after feeding. Or when she was milk drunk during her first month and had milk dripping off her mouth. Breastfeeding is the most motherly thing to do cos no one else could do it but you. It is the one thing that a mother and a child share together since the moment of the child's birth. I remember clearly how painful it was at first but not long it became so comforting for the both of us. As much as I am happy to end this journey, I am also very, very sad. I will miss it for sure. And I'll have to make up for it with more and more cuddles with her (as much as she would let me.)
Saying goodbye
I suppose putting this down here is a way for me to officially end my breastfeeding journey. It may be a bit silly cos it isn't someone you can say goodbye to. It's an end to a chapter of many memorable and sweet moments of this motherhood journey. Ones that I will cherish forever. And I'm sure the next chapter will bring many more sweet moments too but in new and unexpected ways. At least until the next baby (inshaAllah) comes along, I know I would happily welcome that journey again.
0 comments :