Showing posts with label Maternity. Show all posts

How I Changed After Having My Second Child



My second-born, Aaminah, who just turned one, started taking her first baby steps a few days ago. And here I am feeling a little bittersweet cos I feel like her baby year just flew by, even more so than Khadeejah's first year. Is it just me or do they grow up faster after having more than one child? Looking back, I feel like I've changed so much as a mother after giving birth to her.  



My pregnancy with her was Alhamdulillah, a breeze in a sense that I had very few morning sickness and barely any symptoms during the first to second trimester, but I had a lot of anxiety throughout. For those who are not new to my blog, you'd know that prior to this pregnancy, I had an ectopic pregnancy where I had my left fallopian tube removed. That experience took me 6 months to feel like myself again and by the mercy of Allah I conceived just after the first few tries of TTC (trying to conceive). 

As soon as I found out I was pregnant again, I was happy but more so terrified that there was a possibility it could be another ectopic. I had to wait six to eight weeks to get a placement scan so we could see wether the fetus was in the womb or not. Those weeks of waiting felt like the longest. I just remember thinking about it all the time and making lots of du'a that this pregnancy would be safe and I wouldn't have to go through that again. I didn't allow myself to feel completely happy to be pregnant again until I knew for sure that all is OK. However, even after the placement scan and I saw the tiny flutter of heartbeat, my anxiety did not fade away.
You see, when I got pregnant the first time, not once did I think that anything could go wrong... even though I was aware that miscarriages could happen but I never really worried about that possibility. But the moment it happens to you, and you've experienced a form of pregnancy loss of your own, it's like BAM- all of the million possibilities of a pregnancy going wrong starts running through your mind, and you just WORRY. SO. MUCH. Even the fact that I barely had any pregnancy symptoms during the first trimester made me worry cos I was expecting the morning sickness, the swollen breasts, the bloated stomach - anything to indicate that I was pregnant despite knowing I'm positive. It was like I needed to *feel* pregnant immediately to be at peace. Only by the 2nd trimester I was able to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I'm kind of in the "safe zone" now and that I was already showing a little pooch and I was definitely 'feeling' pregnant. 

Alhamdulillah I am so grateful for my very supportive husband, who was always there when I had a panic moment and he'd assure me that inshaAllah things would be OK and that I should be more positive and hopeful and keep making du'a to Allah. Thank you, yang. 😍

But as the pregnancy progressed, I was having to deal with my then two and a half year old toddler who was well, going through her terrible twos and I didn't have all the time in the world to lay down and rest as I did when I was pregnant with her. So it was TIRING. And it was a busy year for me too as not only was I freelancing, I was managing a bi-weekly playgroup and teaching 2 art classes a week. I kept myself busy and I was rather productive actually. But I was exhausted and stressed all the time. Towards the end of my pregnancy I even had high BP that I needed to be admitted.

Fast Forward To My Delivery 

Alhamdulillah, much like the pregnancy, her delivery was also a breeze (metaphorically, of course, I was sweating my hijab off) but in comparison to the first where I had a 32-hour-marathon of a labour, it took lesser time and I didn't require an induction. I went into active labour around midnight and she was out by 10 am, after only a 7 minute push-time! Perhaps I'll do a birth story in another post inshaAllah.

But here's when one of the most memorable moments in my life came to be, the moment when she arrived. Not only did the after birth relief felt exhilarating (takbeer!), but boy was I elated to hear her first cry. As soon as the midwife placed her on to my chest for our first skin-to-skin, I felt a huge shift in my emotional state. The anxiety was GONE. Banished! I was the most at peace after nine long months of worry and anxiety. Allahu Akbar. She was my peace. I thought to myself, my baby is here! My rainbow baby is here. I finally allowed myself to feel completely happy. I gazed at her tiny peaceful face and it felt so right to name her the name we had chosen for her, Aaminah, which means calm; free of worry and fear.

Calm and Collected 

True enough, she lived up to her name. She was calm and non fussy as a newborn. Her first three months also a breeze. Besides the usual night feeds and diaper changes, she latched on like a pro and most times I'd only have to feed and burp her and I could put her down and she'd fall asleep on her own. It gave me much time to rest and also give the attention her sister needed too during that adjustment period. 

 I definitely feel much more relaxed and because I kinda now what to expect, and now that I'm no longer a first-time-mum, everything feels a lot more manageable and less 'on my toes'. As for handling two kids at once, it was easier than I imagined it to be as they both had very different needs to attend to. Khadeejah, all though happy to meet her new sibling, was a bit sulky with me at first, adjusting to the divided attention. But Alhamdulillah after a few weeks she started to come around.

In saying that, I'm now having to deal with different new phases of childhood with her older sister (aka the Threenager and soon to be Fournado phase) so I'm holding on to whatever calm I can get! and for now, that's you Aaminah. I know you'll be going through all these phases too but I won't forget the peace I received from you which is truly from Allah SWT. Even though I'm guilty for not taking as many photos or videos of you, I hope I can always remember and cherish this wonderful baby year I had with you.

Don't forget to follow me @muslimmummyhood on Instagram and/or Facebook for more updates on our homeschooling journey and my musings on motherhood!
BaarakAllahu feekum. 

Nine Months at a Glance




Illustration done by my dearest cousin Ayne Zarof, sent to me during my last trimester. P.S. Check out her blog here http://ayneremembers.blogspot.my/

So I figured before I get into motherhood and the likes, it would be befitting to talk about that pre-motherhood 9-month ordeal they call pregnancy. Some of you specifically requested it and I'm all for writing about this so let's talk pregnancy! But before I go on, I would just like to put it out there that this is based on my own experience and it is advisable to note that each and every pregnancy is different and unique to all women. But generally yes, there are many common symptoms that most pregnant ladies will experience and some of them will be mentioned here. 

On getting pregnant.
I had a feeling right away when I was just 2 days late. And I'm never late. At least for most of my menstruating life, that is. I was still in denial though so I anxiously waited another few days. Nothing. It felt weird cos I was still going through PMS-like symptoms like light-headedness, feeling tired and a crazy super appetite A.K.A. FEED ME OR I'LL BE HANGRY kinda hunger...just to name a few (the latter one remained for the rest of the pregnancy). 

I then did the preggo test and let's just say it wasn't a success at first. Here's a quick tip if you're ever gonna do the pee-stick test: take a disposable party cup or small container with you to avoid getting messy. Little did I know back then that this would be the first of many u-tests (you'll be doing it at every monthly check up).

After the first failed attempt, the second one was a success however the line was very faint and I wasn't a 100% sure so we went to my GP for a confirmation. I pretty much did the same thing except her test was more reliable and the line was clear as day on that little stick! She announced to both of us "You're pregnant!" and K's (the hubster) reaction was like: 



So was mine really. I wasn't sure how to react even though I was happy, but then a million other emotions came rushing in to join the party. It wasn't til we got home that I realised this was really happening. We did our sujud shukr and just let it sink in for a moment. Then we told only our parents and decided to keep it hush before announcing to the rest of the family, at least til the first trimester was over and I was in the 'safe zone'.

First trimester: The Hunger Games. 

I remember waking up to a pang of hunger one day and it felt like I had not eaten for several days. But before I could get some brekkie in me, a wave of nausea transpired and I knew I was going to puke at any moment. You know when you start to have that feeling coming up in your chest and throat and you start salivating. Ugh. Toilet dash it is. I hurled nothingness cos of my empty stomach which I later on grew a preference for. Trust me, it is way better than throwing up a plate of rice with daging salai masak lemak. The after-taste lasted too long for that one which is why it's so memorable. 

I was never a breakfast person before this so that had to change. This was the time when I realised I needed to eat well and take care of myself for the sake of the little spurt. This was the time that I needed as much nutrients as possible. (though that didn't stop me from having fast food every now and then - don't judge!) At first I struggled to eat on time and learnt that I needed to have smaller portions of food but at regular intervals. And SNACK, SNACK, SNACK. Just snack whenever you can! For the first time in my life I felt like eating became a chore cos half the time I didn't have the energy for it. But if I don't eat, I'll get sick. If I eat too much, I'll get sick. If I eat too little, I'll get sick. Oh the dilemma. 



Some of my favourite go-to pregnancy snacks were crackers/biscuits, raisins and assam (taken with moderation just to hilangkan that mual feeling). My cravings throughout included ayam penyet, nasi lemak, pepperoni pizza, chocolate/ice-cream waffles and cheesy nachos. I didn't have any weird ones but all I know is that when the craving starts, it was like I WANT IT, AND I WANT IT NOW! I also had food aversions which for me was the smell of habbatussauda (black seed oil) which really sucks cos it's a sunnah food! Everytime hubster opened up the bottle I would step out of the room. Btw, your smelling senses enhances when you're pregnant, kinda like a superpower! 

Fatigue.

I felt incredibly tired all day, everyday and I remember just sleeping A LOT. This part I like. But it always followed with waking up feeling hungry which is the part I don't like. So give and take I guess. However, it got exhausting pretty quickly, being exhausted. So I had to fight it with will and might and lots of duaa for strength/motivation just to go on with my day. 


Emotional Changes. 

I went through a minor period of depression due to all the physical changes happening at once and honestly, throwing up on a daily basis for weeks at a time can really get to you. I googled articles on prepartum depression and it is such a thing but rarely talked about. The best way to tackle it is to talk. Confide with  your husband. Tell him all your worries and anxiety about the pregnancy, labour and motherhood. It is overwhelming and who can blame you. Chances are he is also feeling just as nervous as you are but without the added symptoms. Talk it out and cry it out. InshaAllah it is just a phase and once this part is over you'll feel a sense of empowerment and be like "Let's get this baby growing and soldier on!". This is also the time to read up on articles,  blogs, and download apps (look up 'What to Expect' - it's such a great app that shows you your weekly baby updates and how the little one is developing inside you. And also what to expect in the following weeks so you can be mentally prepared). Also don't forget to keep making lots of duaa and ask Allah to ease your anxiety and depression, and seek refuge and peace by reading the Quran. 

 It was reported from ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No person suffers any anxiety or grief, and says:
للّهُـمَّ إِنِّي عَبْـدُكَ ابْنُ عَبْـدِكَ ابْنُ أَمَتِـكَ نَاصِيَتِي بِيَـدِكَ، مَاضٍ فِيَّ حُكْمُكَ، عَدْلٌ فِيَّ قَضَاؤكَ أَسْأَلُـكَ بِكُلِّ اسْمٍ هُوَ لَكَ سَمَّـيْتَ بِهِ نَفْسَكَ أِوْ أَنْزَلْتَـهُ فِي كِتَابِكَ، أَوْ عَلَّمْـتَهُ أَحَداً مِنْ خَلْقِـكَ أَوِ اسْتَـأْثَرْتَ بِهِ فِي عِلْمِ الغَيْـبِ عِنْـدَكَ أَنْ تَجْـعَلَ القُرْآنَ رَبِيـعَ قَلْبِـي، وَنورَ صَـدْرِي وجَلَاءَ حُـزْنِي وذَهَابَ هَمِّـي
‘Allaahumma innee ‘abduka wa ibn ‘abdika wa ibn amatika, naasiyati bi yadika, maadin fiyya hukmuka, ‘adlun fiyya qadaa’uka, as’aluka bi kulli ismin huwa laka sammayta bihi nafsaka aw anzaltahu fi kitaabika aw ‘allamtahu ahadan min khalqika aw ista’tharta bihi fi ‘ilm il-ghaybi ‘andak an taj’ala al-Qur’aana rabee’ qalbi wa noor sadri wa jalaa’a huzni wa dhahaaba hammi’
“O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your female slave, my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every Name belonging to You which You named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety”

but Allaah will take away his sorrow and grief, and give him in their stead joy.” (Ahmad 1/391)
P. S. if your depression is prolonged and you feel it is serious then you should talk to the doctor about it at the next prenatal visit.  

2nd Trimester: Pregnancy Glow, Baby Bump, and First Kick. 


They say the 2nd trimester is the best 12 weeks of pregnancy and they are so right. My morning sickness eased up, I had a newfound burst of energy, my hair was luscious, my skin looked good, and that baby bump is finally starting to show! But the most magical of all is feeling the first flutters of your little spurt from the inside. I told my SIL it felt like popcorn popping in my belly or like that candy that pops in your mouth but in your tummy instead. As weeks go by the kicks start getting stronger and noticeable and you will start seeing your belly move on its own. Freaky aliens VS predator stuff but also a pretty awesome sight. 

 Oh and not forgetting we had our first ultrasound scan on the 13th-week and when we first laid eyes on our peanut, it was love at first sight. Both of us got teary eyed and it was such a beautiful moment to see teeny tiny Khadeejah moving and kicking and hearing her heartbeats for the first time. We wanted to know the gender but it was too early so we had to wait for the 20th week scan. It was then that the sonographer told us it was 60% chance a baby girl. (Enough percentage for me to go ahead and buy little dresses and pink stuff!) We announced to the rest of our family right after the scan and we were happy to finally share the happy news!



3rd Trimester: The Final Stretch.

Literally. Stretch marks will most likely be visible by now and you're itching your belly like a big ape. Time to bust out your argan oils and VCO's to ease the itch and hopefully lessen those marks! Honestly I was too lazy to apply it and still am now so my marks are still here albeit it's no longer itchy. Phewh! You're also gloriously bigger and rounder now so be prepared for those "mak buyung" comments which I personally found annoying and kinda offensive. I already feel fat and whale-like. You don't have to make it worse! Don't you know how sensitive we are at this point in time? Sheesh. 


BTW, I was recommended to consume this tea to help with labour and it's delicious! I don't know how much it really helped but anything to help with labour and plus I love tea so I'd totally recommend it too! You can get it here if you are expecting or if you know someone who is, it would be a lovely gift to give! You can simply get it online now, just click HERE.

 Anyhow, I remember the 3rd trimester being very challenging but I think it prepared me for motherhood more than anything. Cos this was when I started to lose sleep. Here's how it went: I was getting heavier by the week and when you're heavy you get a sore back and you need to rest but you can't sit too long, stand too long, or lie down for too long. Finding a comfortable position to lie in bed is another losing battle. Your body temperature is at a high and it was also the hazy season which added to the discomfort. I had to get up to pee several times during the night. And whenever I ate too much or had spicy food I would suffer from a really bad heart burn which meant I needed to sleep propped up which also meant more discomfort for my back. And whaddya know, baby decides to be a night owl and is active and kicking like crazy at night which all factored towards me not getting enough sleep and rest as I should've or would've liked. To top it off, the nausea decided to return for a visit at unexpected times. (I once asked K to stop the car to the side of the road and puked as soon as I opened the door.) Felt sorry for those who saw. 

 Towards the end where I was nearing the last few weeks or so I was just ready for this baby to come out and get this over and done with. Growing a baby is NOT easy. It takes a lot of mental and physical strength as well as emotional. But nothing beats feeling your little one grow inside you and falling in love with someone you haven't met yet. I finally understood the meaning of a mother's love the moment I felt the first kick. The mercy and compassion that Allah puts in a mother's heart for their child starts from inside the womb. It is indescribable and amazingly wonderful. And it sends me shivers when I'm reminded of this hadeeth:

 (Hadits Qudsi: narrated Bukhari) «لله أرحم بعباده من الأم بولدها» Umar Ibn al-Khattab (ra) relates that some prisoners were brought before Allah’s Messenger (saw) and amongst them was a woman who was frantically searching for someone in the crowd. When she found a baby amongst the prisoners, she took it in her arms, cradled it next to her chest and suckled it. So Allah’s Messenger (saw) said: “Do you think that this woman would ever throw her child into the fire?” We said: ‘By Allah, Never!’ So he said: “Allah is more merciful to His believing servants than that mother could ever be to her child.” [Bukhari (10/426) & Muslim (18/80)]

 Can we get a takbeer or what?! Allahu Akbar!

 So that's my pregnancy in a nutshell. Tips and preparation to come in future posts as well as labour+birth story inshaAllah! 
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