This is a re-collection of the day I gave birth to my first-born. I was very keen on having a natural birth all the way... no epidural. I had an idea of what I wanted my birth to be (after doing my research) and also prepared my birth plan which I will share about in another post. Expectations aside, I did know that we can plan only so much, the rest is up to Allah. So here is how my birth really went. P.S. I apologise if some of the details might scare or frighten you, (especially for new mummy-to-be's or singletons) I assure you, all though pain is inevitable, we are most certainly created to bear it. I got through it and so did millions of mothers out there, for like I dunno, centuries upon centuries. So don't ever be afraid of labour (trust me!). It is the most natural process and experience a woman will ever go through in her life.
Monday, Nov 16th, 2015.
It is my 38th week and I've been having braxton hicks (a feeling of tightening around the mid abdomen area) on and off for a few days now. I was already feeling anxious and thinking to myself it could be any time now... We went for my (unknowingly last) routine check-up and had my first VE. It was definitely uncomfortable but I braced for it and told myself I better get used to it now since I'm gonna be giving birth anytime soon. My gynae said I was already 1 cm and I could be looking at maybe this week or sometime next week, inshaAllah. Hubster and I looked at each other and we were both getting excited!
We went home and went about our day like normal. I spent more time on the gym ball, doing as many stretches and exercises as I could manage, especially squats. Double checked my over-packed hospital bag to make sure everything was ready to go. Organised the 'pantang'/ nursery room and even sewed some last minute baby stuff.
Wednesday, Nov 18th, 2015.
Throughout the day before and on this day, I noticed I've started leaking amniotic fluid. Otherwise, feeling normal and pregnant as ever.
Thursday, Nov 19th, 2015.
Took a snapshot of my gloriously big belly, not knowing I was at the peak of pregnancy and that it was the biggest I would ever be. Later that evening, during one of my many, many toilet breaks, I noticed the first blood show (nothing major, just a pinkish discharge which indicates the loss of the mucous plug that seals off your uterus) which was one of the symptoms of labour. I literally ran from the toilet and screamed "Yaaangg!!! I think I'm going into labour!!!" My hubby being kalm-an collected, said, "Are you sure?" I said "Yes! there's blood show. I think that means I have to go to the hospital right? Should I check with Dr?" He nodded. So I did, I called her and asked if this means I need to go to the hospital, she asked if I was feeling any contractions yet and I said no..., just the blood show and that I've been leaking the last few days. She asked me if it was a lot and I said no, just kinda like trickling. I think she wanted to check if my water broke but it didn't sound like it. So she told to stay home for now until I felt the contractions and when I do, just wait until they are 5 minutes apart.
Hubs was like "haih...buat terkejut je, dah jom tido." Sure enough, not long after I fell asleep, I started waking up to what felt like period cramps and I knew it was a contraction. It wasn't painful or anything, it was subtle but I could feel it. I started my contraction timer app. The pain came and went but it wasn't consistent.. sometimes it was 30 minutes apart.. sometimes it was 10... then back to 30. I tried to sleep as much as I could but it wasn't restful.
Friday, Nov 20th, 2015.
We woke up for fajr as usual and performed our prayers together at home. The contractions have stopped for a while now. After solat, I decided to just sit on my gym ball cos that's the only thing that helps relieve my back. It was a nice chilled morning before the sunrise and hubby and I were just chatting about random stuff. I was already feeling hungry and wanted to prepare some breakfast and start the day early. As I got up and off the ball, I felt a "whoosh" from under me and the first thing I saw was the puddle of water on the floor. Hubby turned to look at what happened and I said, "Um, I think my water broke." Then he goes "Are you sure you didn't just pee yourself?" I looked at him annoyingly and said "I think I would know if I peed myself."
"So this is it", I thought to myself as I took a quick shower to get ready for the hospital. I texted the doc to tell her I'm leaving for the hospital soon. Then whatsapp-ed my family group to inform them as well. Everyone was getting excited and wanted to be updated with everything. Happy feels all around! I was more excited than nervous or anxious.
The hospital was only a 5 minute drive from our place, so I said to K, let's have breakfast first. I'm hungry and I want to eat nasi lemak before I have to eat pantang food. I already had my pad on and I was still leaking but I figured it could last for another hour or so. There was a kopitiam just across the hospital so we had our breakfast there. I was leaking more and more so I needed to eat quickly. Which wasn't a good idea cos as soon as were done and when I got into the car, I opened the door again and threw up all my nasi lemak on the road. Sigh. At least that was the last of it (the morning sickness).
9 A.M.
As soon as we arrived, we registered ourselves and I was brought up to the labour room almost immediately. The nurse told me to change into the non-attractive birthing gown and I saw that my pad is now green and I kinda knew what that meant, I read it in one of my pregnancy books. The midwife/nurse came in and said "O'oh." She said that my baby has already pooped inside and that the green stuff is called meconium. I was then ushered on to the bed and they started to strap me up on the monitor. I was worried at first but Alhamdulillah it showed that the baby's heart rate was normal.
Initially I had written in my birth plan that I did not want to be strapped on the monitor at all times but due to the meconium, they wanted to monitor in case the baby becomes distressed. I still wasn't in any real pain and the contractions were not present since the night before so I was still feeling relaxed and did not mind the straps on my belly. My gynae came in and checked my cervix and told me I was still only 1 cm. She then asked if it would be OK to insert a pill to help soften my cervix and hopefully quicken the process (due to the fact that there is already meconium present and didn't want to risk the baby distressing). So I agreed to it. It was the most uncomfortable thing I ever experienced. It left a stinging feeling afterwards.
12:33 PM
It was almost time for Jumaah prayer and the mosque was just accross the road from the hospital so hubs had to leave me for a bit. I sat there, admiring the labour room. The whole hospital had this turquoise theme all around which happens to be my favourite colour and it totally put me at ease. My room colour is the same shade of blue-ish green so it reminded me of home and I felt comfortable. It wasn't one of those cold and sterile looking labour rooms that you would typically imagine. This was one of the reasons we chose to deliver here anyway.
When he got back, we had some lunch and I began reciting surah Maryam. When I couldn't read, hubs would read to me or I would put on the recitations for me to listen. I kept snacking on biscuits and dates and drinking lots of water. The contractions have started again but it was still far apart. At times in between the contractions I would get down from the bed and bounce lightly on my gym ball (which I brought from home) to ease my back pain. We waited til the evening before they did another VE and I was still at 1cm. As I was not going to deliver anytime soon, I was then wheeled to my room which was a twin sharing room and my roommate had already settled in. I couldn't see her though, cos the curtains were drawn. My SiL came to visit that night and so did my dad, he brought me some pineapple juice to help with the dilation. I don't think it worked but it was yummy to have anyway.
8.30 PM
After they left, I had a nice hot shower that helped to ease some of the pain. It was starting to get more and more intense. By midnight, the doc came in to check up on me again, but I was only at 3 cm. I felt like I was already at 5cm. If all those hours had went by and this is the rate of my progress it dawned on me that I still had a long way to go and there would be more pain to endure. She inserted another pill and again it was uncomfortable and stinging. My doc was very re-assuring though and told me to keep making dua but she also told me that if by the morning I was still not progressing, we would have to resort to an induction. And all though I really didn't want that, I was also worried for the baby inside, swimming in her meconium and might even swallowing it. I knew that there would be the risk of having a c-section if the induction didn't work and I was already feeling nervous about it all. But I focused my energy on trying to get through the pain and tried not to think about the what-ifs.
The night was miserable. The contractions came and went at regular intervals and I couldn't sleep or find any comfortable position to sleep in. K couldn't sleep too hearing my my moans and groans. I tried not to be too loud though knowing there was another lady next to me. At times I would get up hoping to relieve the pain but it was to no avail. Standing up, sitting down, or lying down, I could not escape it. Hubs even tried to massage my lower back but I was just too tense. I remember just making du'a in my heart, asking Allah to ease the pain and give me strength. And lots and lots of istighfar.
Saturday, 21st November, 2015
7 AM
Doc came in again to check up on me, still at 3 cm. She told me we should do an induction. Feeling dismayed but still hopeful, I nodded. She instructed the nurse to take me to the labour room around 8 AM to be induced. I wanted to have another hot shower to ease the pain again and it was such a relief for the 10-15 minutes I was in there. Just letting the warm water fall on my back (I really recommend this while you are in labour...It's no wonder water births are so popular! Water has a natural calming effect and is an effective natural pain relief. I wish water births were much cheaper and accessible here in Malaysia!) We then made our way to the LR and as I settled in I asked if I could have my breakfast first. The nurse told me to wait while she checked with the doc. We waited. An hour passed, we reminded the nurse and she was still unsure so we waited again. I was still not induced yet so I had no idea what was going on. My contractions were still ongoing and I was starting to get a little grumpy cos I haven't had anything besides the snacks we had with us.
10 AM
Dr finally came in and she was surprised to find out I haven't eaten my breakfast and I haven't been induced yet! Turns out there was some kind of miscommunication between the midwives/nurses and after some telling off, they scrambled to get me breakfast and started to prep for the induction. I was already in no mood to eat but I tried to get something in me cos I knew I needed the energy.
Almost as soon as they gave me the pitocin, it began. The hard-rocking labour really began, sending my body into spasms as if someone had kicked me from the back and punched my lower abdomen at the same time. I didn't hold back on my groans this time. But soon enough, I was progressing, I was 5 cm within an hour and a half.
Around 12 PM
The Dr gave me a painkiller shot to ease the pain slightly and I felt the pain subdue just enough for me to get hold of myself again. The waves of contraction were still there but I could still bear it. I was also taught how to use the happy/laughing gas (Nitrous Oxide) mask for relief but I struggled to use it right. They dimmed the lights and I managed to snooze for a bit.
Around 2.30 or 3 PM ...
I woke up and I wanted to sit up on the bed. K received a phone call from my dad who wanted an update. After he got off the phone, I started weeping. I told him it's too painful. I don't know how much longer I could take. My body felt beat, but I was determined to get through to the end...hot tears rolled on my cheek. He took my face in his hands and told me I could do this. I've come this far and I'm almost there. "You are stronger than you think. I know you can do this." I nodded and felt at ease again. His words were enough to keep me going.
Just as this was happening the midwife came in to do another VE. I was already 8 cm!!! I felt so happy hearing that but at the same time still in pain. I told her I feel like I need to do a number 2 really badly. She told me to hold it in. "Rasa macam nak berak eh? Tahan je tau!" I was like, how the heck do I tahan?? I felt like I haven't gone for days! It's REALLY coming! At this time I was trying to control my breathing and tried to breathe in the happy gas while K held the mask for me. Nurse kept reminding me not to push yet...the baby's head might get elongated. I didn't even realise I was pushing!
Within the next 15 minutes, 3 or 4 nurses/midwives came rushing in, prepping for the birth. They pushed in a delivery cart for the baby and I saw some surgical tools for the stitching up I guess. Dr came in too and asked me if I wanted to lay on my side (as we had discussed in our birth plan) and I nodded. I laid on my left side, slightly propped up, facing K, and held his hand tightly. I closed my eyes.
They told me to get ready to push when they tell me. To take a deep breath in before the next wave of contraction came. So I did, I breathed in deeply and as I felt the wave coming, I breathed out and pushed. "Good Eleanor!" Said the Dr. Her voice so sweet and assuring. "Now do it again but breathe in deeper and breathe out when I tell you." The next wave came, I already collected as much breath as I could and let out a bit of a groan as I pushed. "Teran, dik!" "Jangan keluarkan suara!" "Good job!" I kinda laughed internally at the comments and words of motivation from the midwives. Among the voices I tried to focus on one that really mattered, he who was still holding my hand firmly, he who said, "I can see her, you're doing great honey."
I breathed in again, anticipating the next wave, and I was also anticipating the 'ring of fire' that I heard so much about on labour videos. But I didn't feel it Alhamdulillah. "OK, try to give it your all in this next one", said the Dr. She said "The baby is almost here" As I did it again, this time I felt someone lifting my right thigh up to widen the passageway but I wish she hadn't cos I felt a slight sting underneath and I think, I THINK, that was when I tore. Fuhh. Had to recover myself from that for a moment. The baby still wasn't out yet but I could feel the head like 3/4 out. One more time, inshaAllah. I tried again and so I breathed out with all my might, then whoosh! I could feel her slip out of me instantly. The relief that I felt...SubhanAllah THE RELIEF was out of this world!!! All of a sudden, 9 months worth of back pain just eased up like someone had just removed a huge rock on my back. I don't know how to really describe it. If anyone were to ask me what relief feels like I would tell them "Giving birth." All I could say soon after the delivery was "Allah...Allah..." as I was panting and still trying to catch my breath after all the pushing.
3.55 PM : My baby was born.
I opened my eyes and the first person I saw was my husband, eyes red from the sleepless night and tears streaming. I've never seen him cry like this. He was so overwhelmed which made me overwhelmed too but I couldn't cry, I was super exhausted like I just ran a marathon. Then I heard her cry. My baby. I turned and there she was...so small and precious. She was gently put on my chest for our first skin-to-skin... But only for a short while as they needed to check on her lungs for any infection from the meconium. K did the honour of snipping the cord then the baby was taken to the nursery. Dr said I have a small natural tear about 2 cm and she was just going to stitch me up and she did it in no time. I didn't feel a thing. Alhamdulillah. The nurses then did a great job cleaning me up and I soon felt comfortable and clean again. Soon they hurried out the door and dimmed the lights to let me rest.
It was so surreal...the last 20 - 30 minutes or so felt like a dream that I didn't want to wake up from. I closed my eyes and thanked Allah. It was over. The long anticipated labour was over and now, my motherhood journey began.
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BaarakAllahu feekum.
