How I Changed After Having My Second Child

Wednesday, September 04, 2019 Umm Khadeejah Elly 0 Comments



My second-born, Aaminah, who just turned one, started taking her first baby steps a few days ago. And here I am feeling a little bittersweet cos I feel like her baby year just flew by, even more so than Khadeejah's first year. Is it just me or do they grow up faster after having more than one child? Looking back, I feel like I've changed so much as a mother after giving birth to her.  



My pregnancy with her was Alhamdulillah, a breeze in a sense that I had very few morning sickness and barely any symptoms during the first to second trimester, but I had a lot of anxiety throughout. For those who are not new to my blog, you'd know that prior to this pregnancy, I had an ectopic pregnancy where I had my left fallopian tube removed. That experience took me 6 months to feel like myself again and by the mercy of Allah I conceived just after the first few tries of TTC (trying to conceive). 

As soon as I found out I was pregnant again, I was happy but more so terrified that there was a possibility it could be another ectopic. I had to wait six to eight weeks to get a placement scan so we could see wether the fetus was in the womb or not. Those weeks of waiting felt like the longest. I just remember thinking about it all the time and making lots of du'a that this pregnancy would be safe and I wouldn't have to go through that again. I didn't allow myself to feel completely happy to be pregnant again until I knew for sure that all is OK. However, even after the placement scan and I saw the tiny flutter of heartbeat, my anxiety did not fade away.
You see, when I got pregnant the first time, not once did I think that anything could go wrong... even though I was aware that miscarriages could happen but I never really worried about that possibility. But the moment it happens to you, and you've experienced a form of pregnancy loss of your own, it's like BAM- all of the million possibilities of a pregnancy going wrong starts running through your mind, and you just WORRY. SO. MUCH. Even the fact that I barely had any pregnancy symptoms during the first trimester made me worry cos I was expecting the morning sickness, the swollen breasts, the bloated stomach - anything to indicate that I was pregnant despite knowing I'm positive. It was like I needed to *feel* pregnant immediately to be at peace. Only by the 2nd trimester I was able to breathe a sigh of relief, knowing that I'm kind of in the "safe zone" now and that I was already showing a little pooch and I was definitely 'feeling' pregnant. 

Alhamdulillah I am so grateful for my very supportive husband, who was always there when I had a panic moment and he'd assure me that inshaAllah things would be OK and that I should be more positive and hopeful and keep making du'a to Allah. Thank you, yang. 😍

But as the pregnancy progressed, I was having to deal with my then two and a half year old toddler who was well, going through her terrible twos and I didn't have all the time in the world to lay down and rest as I did when I was pregnant with her. So it was TIRING. And it was a busy year for me too as not only was I freelancing, I was managing a bi-weekly playgroup and teaching 2 art classes a week. I kept myself busy and I was rather productive actually. But I was exhausted and stressed all the time. Towards the end of my pregnancy I even had high BP that I needed to be admitted.

Fast Forward To My Delivery 

Alhamdulillah, much like the pregnancy, her delivery was also a breeze (metaphorically, of course, I was sweating my hijab off) but in comparison to the first where I had a 32-hour-marathon of a labour, it took lesser time and I didn't require an induction. I went into active labour around midnight and she was out by 10 am, after only a 7 minute push-time! Perhaps I'll do a birth story in another post inshaAllah.

But here's when one of the most memorable moments in my life came to be, the moment when she arrived. Not only did the after birth relief felt exhilarating (takbeer!), but boy was I elated to hear her first cry. As soon as the midwife placed her on to my chest for our first skin-to-skin, I felt a huge shift in my emotional state. The anxiety was GONE. Banished! I was the most at peace after nine long months of worry and anxiety. Allahu Akbar. She was my peace. I thought to myself, my baby is here! My rainbow baby is here. I finally allowed myself to feel completely happy. I gazed at her tiny peaceful face and it felt so right to name her the name we had chosen for her, Aaminah, which means calm; free of worry and fear.

Calm and Collected 

True enough, she lived up to her name. She was calm and non fussy as a newborn. Her first three months also a breeze. Besides the usual night feeds and diaper changes, she latched on like a pro and most times I'd only have to feed and burp her and I could put her down and she'd fall asleep on her own. It gave me much time to rest and also give the attention her sister needed too during that adjustment period. 

 I definitely feel much more relaxed and because I kinda now what to expect, and now that I'm no longer a first-time-mum, everything feels a lot more manageable and less 'on my toes'. As for handling two kids at once, it was easier than I imagined it to be as they both had very different needs to attend to. Khadeejah, all though happy to meet her new sibling, was a bit sulky with me at first, adjusting to the divided attention. But Alhamdulillah after a few weeks she started to come around.

In saying that, I'm now having to deal with different new phases of childhood with her older sister (aka the Threenager and soon to be Fournado phase) so I'm holding on to whatever calm I can get! and for now, that's you Aaminah. I know you'll be going through all these phases too but I won't forget the peace I received from you which is truly from Allah SWT. Even though I'm guilty for not taking as many photos or videos of you, I hope I can always remember and cherish this wonderful baby year I had with you.

Don't forget to follow me @muslimmummyhood on Instagram and/or Facebook for more updates on our homeschooling journey and my musings on motherhood!
BaarakAllahu feekum. 


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