Confessions of WAHM (Work At Home Mum)
Every now and then, during long overdue catch-ups with friends/family or playdates and the likes, I almost always can count on having the discussion of "When do you do work at home with the baby?" or "How are you managing working and being a full-time mum?". Either I'm being asked that question or I'd be the one asking other working mums the same question. For now, I've settled with an easy answer - "Mommy by day, Designer by night". But the truth is, that's not always the case.
I've been a WAHM for more than a year now and it's still something I'm still struggling with everyday. To find the right balance is near to impossible when you have a little human being depending on you for their every need. My child will always be top priority and as a mother, I'm not just her caretaker but also her teacher and playmate so I'm actively finding ways to involve her in different activities every (or every other) day.
So not only do I make sure she's fed, bathed, and changed, I read books to her, bring her to the playground, play pretend tea-time, and whatever it is she wants to do that tickles her fancy. Not to mention, breastfeed on demand and put her down for naps two times a day which can be a total feat in itself. On top of that, there's laundry, cooking and cleaning happening in between here and there, sometimes halfway done or not done at all.
By the end of the day, (which is the time I look forward to since the moment I woke up) I'm mentally exhausted to think about work. And a lot of times, work just doesn't get done at all or if so, very little. So if you ask me how I'm managing, I'll tell you I'm not. I'll tell you it is a daily hustle to accomplish any work. And it takes a lot of inner-strength and passion to keep on going.
Here are a few of MY versions of the day in the life of a WAHM:
1. The All Nighter
Sometimes I pull an all-nighter and get a lot done, only to become a 'mombie' the next day and poor child's not gonna get the chirpy-happy version of mama. I try to make up for it by napping with her to catch up on some sleep but usually it's just a hazy day for me and chores will definitely be put on hold. That washed laundry pile can sit on the couch for another day - no worries!
2. Nap-Time Shifts
On good days when I've had enough rest during the night I'll try to sneak in some work during her nap-times. But it's not always consistent, she would go down twice a day for 1 and a half hours to 2 hours- which gives me 3-4 hours OR she'd go down once a day for a solid 2 or 3 hours and go to bed at night earlier. However, this method of working I find less satisfying due to the limited time and it kinda gives me anxiety just knowing she could wake up at any moment. Also sometimes, she'd wake up just as I start getting really into work and on a roll, which becomes a total buzzkill for me.
3. The Early Riser
This version doesn't happen often enough, but when it does, it feels good. Sleeping early with the baby and waking up in the wee hours in the morning around 4/5 AM fresh and ready to go. Ofcourse, it's also the best time for tahajjud and also praying fajr on time which is definitely a plus. I can get a few good working hours in (by forcing myself to stay up and resist the temptation of going back to sleep!) before the baby wakes up around 7 or 8.
4. Work and Play
With the nature of my job being that of chasing deadlines and clients requesting last minute jobs, I often find myself working during her play time. And that's the part that sucks cos even though there are times she plays comfortably by herself, most times she needs me to play with her. Sometimes she gets hungry and wants to breastfeed while I work which I've mastered by now (working with one hand on the laptop and the other holding her) but it slows down the working process. A 10 minute job could drag out to an hour due to all the 'interruptions'. Sometimes I'd get so frustrated I stop working all together and wait patiently til she naps, hoping to rush through the job in time for the deadline.
So there you have it, the more detailed and true answer to the question above. I always wonder how other WAHM's do it too, especially if they have more than one kid or if their job requires to be more hands on. Some have extra help at home like a maid or a nanny, some send their kids to their parents for a few hours during the day, and some do it the same as I do. You gotta find what works for you and what you are capable of doing. But it doesn't mean to say that I don't have my burnt out moments and poor hubby has to witness me transform into the crazy 'MOMSTER' time and again. It can get depressing and demotivating at times too.
Regardless of all the stress and exhaustion, I can't and won't give up working and continue pursuing my passion. Designing is a part of me, I have been doing it since I was 15...way before I became a wife and mother. It is who I am and no one can take that from me, especially not myself. This is why many mothers are doing side businesses or pursuing their studies and passions. Being a mother and a wife is a given, but to do something of your own that you love to do and strive to keep doing - is also just as important. It is important not to lose your identity in the midst of the increasing responsibilities that life throws at you.
Regardless of all the stress and exhaustion, I can't and won't give up working and continue pursuing my passion. Designing is a part of me, I have been doing it since I was 15...way before I became a wife and mother. It is who I am and no one can take that from me, especially not myself. This is why many mothers are doing side businesses or pursuing their studies and passions. Being a mother and a wife is a given, but to do something of your own that you love to do and strive to keep doing - is also just as important. It is important not to lose your identity in the midst of the increasing responsibilities that life throws at you.
Maybe I'll get better over time, or it gets easier as she grows up to be more independent, who knows. But right now, at this moment, this is how it is and I need to just make it work and take on each day as a new challenge. Nothing ever comes easy and hard work pays off. InshaAllah.
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