Preparing for the Big Push
I think I only started doing some serious reading and prep for the birth when I was about 4 or 5 months. When I realised I was already halfway through the pregnancy. I watched countless youtube videos on birthing, read books/articles/blogs, asked all of the few mom friends that I had on what it was like, and even joined a "birth chat" coffee sesh with moms I've never met before, who basically shared their birth stories (THIS was an eye-opener for me). And SubhanAllah there were a lot of things I did NOT know about giving birth! There was just so much to learn and I had limited time! I absorbed as much information and knowledge I could get my hands on. I learnt about gentle birthing or hypnobirthing (which to me, is pretty much the same thing) and looked up the local birthing groups on FB. (I'll share some links below). I also learnt about breastfeeding and joined TBAN (The Breastfeeding Advocates Network) group on FB too and that was even more eye-opening. I hadn't even thought about breastfeeding and what THAT might be like, and not to mention how to handle a newborn, how to bathe them, co-sleeping, cloth diapering, etc etc. Sure enough, I was overwhelmed. I was swamped by the amount of stuff I needed to know before being a mum. And I think many of my fellow first-time pregnant mum friends went through this too. But let's focus on labour in this post. Here's what I did.
Research
I read, I watched (on youtube...yes videos of other women giving birth) and I asked. But I think the best is to ask. Because everyone has a different birth story and experience and there is always something you can take out of it. It may not necessarily apply to you but perhaps their experience may make it easier for you to make better decisions or direction with your own labour. The key things to remember when researching is this :
- Keep an open mind. There will be a lot of different opinions out there. Like on whether to have an epidural, to induce or not to induce, home birth vs hospital birth, etc. You'll be left wondering which one is better? What should I do? This leads us to the next key thing:
- What kind of birth do you want? The outcome of your research is the answer to this question. You need to have some kind of vision of how you want your birth to be. You need to realise that this is one of the most important transitions you'll ever go through as a woman. How you give birth will affect your postpartum period; the first year of your motherhood and more importantly, how it will affect your baby cos we often forget that it is also *their* transition into the world.
- There will be pain. Sorry to burst your bubble but even if you have your heart set on getting the epidural or painkillers on standby, some form of pain is inevitable. But you shouldn't put your focus on that cos that's the thing that makes us stronger. Also instead of fearing the pain, read up on ways to manage that pain. These include, pre-natal and labour exercises and massages.
- We can only plan. You may have written up your detailed birth plan and discussed with your doctor, but always keep in mind that events could change within an instant and it is important to be mentally and emotionally ready for whatever might come. Think about what you are willing to compromise and what you feel strongly about.
For me, I had my heart set on having a natural birth that was closest to the sunnah as possible, and there is only one book that I read cover to cover throughout my pregnancy, which was this:
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| https://www.amazon.com/AMANI-Birth-Assisting-Mothers-Instinctive/dp/098846120X |
This book was given to me as an answer to my dua. It was from a classmate, a lady I sat next to while I was attending an intensive Tajweed course. She was one of the first ladies to advocate gentle birthing in Malaysia and I was so honoured to have had the opportunity to meet her. Every chapter in it was fruitful and beneficial to my birth in every way. The author, Aisha Al Hajjar wrote something profound, I'm just paraphrasing here but she wrote something along the lines of "We should not turn our bodies over to obstetricians, like cars to mechanics". Which meant that we need to learn how our body works, it is our responsibility to learn how to birth instead of relying wholeheartedly on your OBGYN when time comes for you to deliver. More often than not, a lot of women simply go to the hospital and let the doctors take over. For example, I had a friend who did not know you could request not to have an episiotomy (a surgical cut to enlarge your V opening). She didn't know you could even have a birth plan. She didn't know to ask the doctor regarding the hospital's standard procedures. That is why you must do your research. Aisha also mentioned that you have 9 months to prepare, so it is really on you if you did not do your part. It really is empowering once you do know what to expect from doctors or hospitals, especially if you have no medical background whatsoever, so that when the time comes, you are able to make informed decisions. This book covered all of that and also talked about the Islamic perspectives on birthing such as Maryam's (peace be upon her) birth that was described in the Qur'an.
I ended up not having the most natural birth I had wanted (I had to be induced and I did take a painkiller) but I did not have regrets because I was always aware of the conditions of my birth due to what I had read from this book. I knew what pitocin was, I knew what it could lead to and I knew what to expect. That made me less anxious and stressed during labour, despite the pain I went through. Because knowledge = empowerment. And I left the hospital feeling really proud of myself! Alhamdulillah ofcourse, it is by Allah's will and mercy.
I would love to share so much more about what I had learnt from that book but the best way really is for you to get hold of that book yourself. It redefined my outlook on birthing all together. It gave me confidence and increased my trust in Allah and His creation. When people asked me if I was nervous about the impending labour during my last trimester, I simply said "nope". Our bodies are designed to deliver and it is the most natural and empowering thing, yet society and culture has brainwashed or put a stigma on childbirth, like it is something to be feared of. We have gone so far from the days when giving birth was a communal affair for womenfolk, where young girls would also gather for the occasion and the knowledge of birthing would be passed down from their mothers and grandmothers. So we have to seek it this knowledge ourselves and Alhamdulillah there are many means available to us at the tip of our fingers.
Exercise, Stretch, Massage
I am blessed to have a friend who studied how to be a doula, and she gave me and another 2 expecting mums a personal session on prenatal and labour exercises, breathing tips and showed us examples of different birth positions as well. She encouraged me to get the gym/exercising/birth ball and Alhamdulillah I would say it was a real investment. It was one of my go to things for pain relief during the last trimester. I even brought it to the hospital with me but unfortunately I didn't get much relief from it then. I don't regret bringing it though! Even throughout the pregnancy I would just be bouncing on that ball day and night! I wasn't so diligent with my exercises which I think I could've done more especially the perineal exercises. I'll have to remember that if or when I get pregnant again.
Attend Birthing Classes
We couldn't really afford to attend the gentle birthing classes even though I really, really wanted to. So we ended up just attending the seminar which I had to convince the hubs to go. Turns out he enjoyed it more than he expected and I suppose he felt empowered too knowing he had a role to play during the birth. I guess a lot of men don't realise that they should be involved in the active labour. So ladies, if your hubby needs convincing just drag them to one class and they'll change their mind for sure. Like I said before, knowledge = empowerment. The men can actually get really into it and it makes them feel good too, being the main support for their wives at a critical time. Which was why it was important for us to birth at a husband friendly hospital (where they are allowed in the labour rooms) and we were willing to pay for that. We got pregnant together, so we are very well going to birth together!
Write a Birth Plan
Once you've done all your research, you should write you birth plan. It's kinda like a checklist of what you want or prefer and what you'd rather not.This is an example of what it may look like:
Hospital (Window) Shopping
We only went to 3 different hospitals (PPUM, UMSC and Columbia Asia) as these were the closest to where we were staying at the time. Initially we wanted to birth at PPUM as it was more affordable for us but due to the fact that they didn't allow husbands in the labour room, it was something I didn't feel comfortable with and wasn't willing to compromise on that. So we decided to look at the option of private hospitals. We went to UMSC and met with a doctor who was recommended by a friend. I gave her my birth plan but she wasn't very supportive or motivating. For each of my checklist it was a maybe or "I can't promise you" type of answer. Yes I'm well aware that she can't promise me the dream birth I wanted but she wasn't very positive or encouraging either. Both hubby and I just didn't feel she was the right doctor for us. Plus the fee was a bit much so we scratched UMSC off our list. So we headed to the newest hospital in town, Columbia Asia. Alhamdulillah, it was a win for us. The facilities, the price (as it was a newly operating, they had a special package promo) and our lovely doctor. She was very soft spoken and encouraging with my birth plan all though there were some things she couldn't agree on, it was easy to discuss and make adjustments. And Alhamdulillah, I was very happy with her throughout the labour.
That's it I think! Those are the things I did to prepare myself for the big push. For the expecting mums reading this, happy prepping and may you have a smooth and empowering delivery! Ameen.
Here are the links I mentioned above and also some useful sites you could visit for your research.
Gentle Birthing
Hypnobirthing
Breastfeeding
Go-to sites for all things pregnancy, mother and baby
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