Neglecting to Connect: A Reflection on Being Present with Our Children
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As expected, he woke up crying at midnight and I routinely took him back to bed. With his little chin tucked in, he gently patted my chest and I obliged. It was a call of duty. One that I, despite being such a strong advocate of and have never compromised on it, have been enjoying less and less with the accumulation of nights that lacked restfulness and days that lacked freeness. In fact, I’ve been spending the past week trying to firmly establish my personal boundaries, much to his dismay.
There I was again, holding him in my arms, just doing what needed to be done. Being so close, it was hard not to take a whiff of the sourish sweetness from his soft curly head. I thought to myself, “I’m gonna miss this someday. He’s only a baby for a very short time. He’s getting bigger. He’s not always going to depend on me like this”. Guilt tinged my heart as I tried to recall how often I had spent this very special moment to truly connect and be present. Rather, I’ve been treating it as an inconvenience; one which I tolerated as I multi-tasked or busy my mind until he got his fill. Sure, there were days when I would have a lot on my plate and to simply nurse whilst doing nothing else felt unproductive but more often than not, even when I had the chance to slow things down a notch, I would choose to do or think of anything else except focus on this person that is latched onto me. I have been missing out on the opportunity to bond with my child when he is dependent on me. The kind of bonding that would build trust and sense of security.
“‘Unbusy’ your head and ‘unbusy’ your body. Be fully there, interested only in your baby for that time.” -- Magda Gerber
The idea of treating children, especially young ones, as conscious beings that are fully aware is not quite the norm in conventional parenting today. In this article, Janet Lansbury (Parent Educator of the Respectful Parenting Approach) gives her perspective on nursing being an intimate experience and how we can be more attentive instead of making a feeding session nothing more than just a meal.
Habitual connections matter. With constant consistency, small and simple acts become the building blocks of a solid relationship. It made me wonder -- what does this say about our connection with Allah?
We usually feel the most need to connect with Allah in dire times, when we have exhausted all of our abilities and feel like there is nothing left for us but to seek Allah’s aid. As if those are the only moments that we are truly in need of Allah. Could it be that we have forgotten that our entire being is dependent on Allah and neither a breath or a heartbeat can occur if Allah didn’t allow it?
“Nothing shall ever happen to us except what Allah has ordained for us” [Surah At-Tawbah 9:51]
Likewise, we often reflect upon the glory and blessings of Allah when we feel significant happiness or when we witness the beauty of Allah’s creation, such as a spectacular sunset on a pristine beach amidst the calming sound of waves. But you don’t have to take a vacation to admire and appreciate Allah’s creations. Just look at the creation of this baby in our arms, who is living, breathing, and growing in front of our eyes. The baby who started out as nothing more than the size of a poppy seed. SubhanAllah.
It suddenly made sense to me why we have been prescribed to remember Allah in some of the most habitual things that we do; from waking up in the morning to lifting a piece of food into our mouths. Such seemingly insignificant acts, yet immense in the reflections that we can make.
Our children will not be dependent on us forever the way we depend on Allah. So despite the exhaustion the day brings or if we're simply feeling zoned out - perhaps by taking a moment to acknowledge how much we are dependent on Him, we can be more present and connected with our children. As a result, we become more grounded in our faith, establish a trusting connection with Him and have assurance in His love, owing to the fact that Allah never tires in His presence with us -- both in hardship and ease.
“Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.” [Surah Ar-R’ad 13:28]
Don't forget to follow me @muslimmummyhood on Instagram and/or Facebook for more updates on our homeschooling journey and my musings on motherhood!
About our Guest Author
Umm H is the mom behind @learning.to.mom and has two boys ages 3 and 1 with a multicultural background. She documents her journey in raising children to become righteous Muslims through conscious and respectful parenting. The approach that she uses in her parenting is inspired by @janetlansbury who advocates the RIE approach. Umm H is also a believer in child-led play, self-directed learning and advocates natural and sustainable living. She realizes her Pinterest dreams by organizing an Arabic playgroup for young children.
Don't forget to follow me @muslimmummyhood on Instagram and/or Facebook for more updates on our homeschooling journey and my musings on motherhood!
BaarakAllahu feekum.
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